Memories are both sweet and painful.......truly bittersweet.

Memories are a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Today as SOON as my sister Lisa showed up.......my 3 girls ALL asked her when we would get to see Baby R. It was BOTH very sweet and sad at the same time. My heart breaks for so many reasons when his name comes up and then part of me enjoys talking about how wonderful he is.

I don't believe that ANYONE sees who they are looking at when they see that cute blond haired, blue eyed little boy. Sure he is unbelievably handsome now and his personality could make an icicle melt! He is smart, funny, and very loving!! I LOVE LOVE this little guy. My kids ALL remember this little man. My baby Bryn would rub Aunt Moony's (Melissa's) pregnant tummy and say Baby R's name. Even before he was born he was a HUGE part of our family.

Due to his heart anomaly, we were very scared he wouldn't live to be born, let alone come home from the hospital. This very scary fact did not stop us from loving him unconditionally from the very beginning. He has overcome some very large obstacles. He was born 4 pounds 11 ounces and gorgeous!

The moment he was born the Perinatologist allowed Melissa to give him a quick kiss and then she handed him off to the medical team to be taken to the nursery. We did NOT know how bad things were going to get. I was there the entire time..........I took a quick look at Melissa and the monitors and saw that she was stable and I followed that baby!

I watched them hook him up to monitors, IVs, and more. I prayed silently with tears welling in my eyes and a HUGE lump in my throat. He was absolutely one of the most gorgeous things I have ever laid my eyes upon. I spoke with every single nurse and the Neonatologist first. I took his first photo, video, and I got to see him open his ONE eye and peek at me!! I was HOOKED and I still am. Forever he is etched into my soul.

He is amazing and fought very hard and won the battle to survive. I have hundreds of photos of him. I spent countless hours holding him to check his vital signs, to be sure he was alive. I carried him when Melissa couldn't due to her healing arm and leg in the stores and at home. I can smell his tiny little head, remember the bumps I got on my chin from having his oily head there so often;), and I can feel his silky hair just above his soft spot on his head.

Out of everyone in the courtroom, ONLY myself, Lisa, Melissa, and Robert KNOW that stuff about him. He is simply AMAZING! I could go on and on about him, my children still do. They are quite frustrated with my answers of when we will see him and WHEN he will be coming home. As much as I want to protect them from being hurt.........I want to tell them the truth. This has become a very difficult balancing act and I am just as frustrated as they are.

They talk about how he spit up all of the time! AND they will even go as far as naming what he spit up on, like when Sierra said to Madison, "Remember when he spit up on YOUR horse....it smelled until Mom washed it." His name comes up daily. We carry his memories with us everywhere we go.

We all want more memories with HIM!!!!! He is STILL very much a part of OUR FAMILY!!!!!!!!! And he always will be!

Letter to Social worker about therapy.

This is a copy of a letter I wrote and sent to Baby R's Social Worker. Sadly, I have NEVER received a response from her or her supervisor about it. FUNNY how VERY important it was for a lot of these things to be done by ME, and yet they NEVER allowed me to do them! Of course we have the transcripts from court on October 15 & 16, 2008 to back me up.

On 11-13-08 I did ask D. Ward while at the courthouse about some of these things. While J. Cain, her supervisor and Melissa T. were present and guess what I heard.
"We are not willing to have the family show Baby R the photos or play the cassettes, etc. until WE KNOW that he will be placed with you". About the phone calls, Julie Cain said, "Maybe we could set up times for you to call him on the days that he has visits at the department so that the foster parents don't have to deal with it." It infuriates me that I have had to watch CPS and State Adoptions act like the foster parents have MORE rights to this child even while BOTH biological parents have their rights intact. Since July 2008 the foster parents have been treated as the parents! Isn't CPS suppose to work towards family reunification and preservation?
During the same conversation, my sister Melissa asked D. Ward if the two siblings to Baby R could SHARE her visits at the department. Melissa has been asking for months and had been getting the run around, so she asked while I was present. DeDe said "no". Melissa asked to have that in writing and to this date she has NEVER received that either.

Kimberly Fraser
P.O. Box 923
Clovis, CA 92613
(559) 360-0191

October 24, 2008

Deidra Ward
Child Protective Services
880 Northcrest Drive
Crescent City, CA 95531

Re: Baby R

Dear DeDe,

I wanted to thank you again for allowing the wonderful overnight visit, I was able to have with Baby R. He was an absolute angel. It was so great to see him and spend some real quality time with him. I can't wait to get back and see him again. Next time I would like to schedule more overnights, if that is possilble.
At this time, I have found several different options for any therapy that Baby R may need. The EPU (Exceptional Parents Unlimited) has sent me quite a bit of information about their services. Baby R would receive an assessment and then they would recommend services they felt were necessary. I spoke with Sandy (PB) and she enlightened me about even more resources in Fresno. If you wanted to take a look, the phone and web site are as follows; (559) 229-2000 and www.exceptionalparents.org. The list of resources is pretty lengthy to include; workshops, play therapy, IEP (Individual Education Plan), IFSP (Individual Family Service Plan), support groups, and referrals for anything they don't already have. Fresno County is pretty large so when it comes to medical care of any kind, we usually have quite a variety to choose from. A small obstacle to finding the right provider is the question of exactly what Baby R's diagnosis is. At this time without that information I am a little blind in my search for which specialist to choose. In court Tedee Boylan and K.D. only mentioned that Baby R was fragile and that he may have attachment issues. As I approach therapists here, the biggest question that I am asked is, "What has he been diagnosed with?" As we discussed after court, I would like to orchestrate a therapy visit with Baby R. It would be great to hear from the therapist's mouth what they believe Baby R to be suffering from. Perhaps they can even recommend someone with similar credentials nearby. As I research attachment disorders, I see the very wide interpretation of therapies and symptoms. If possible, we could even get a second opinion to be sure of what exactly we are dealing with. Thinking of informed consent, I think it wise to know the entire picture and all possibilities before choosing a treatment path.
Dr. Singh was Baby R's Pediatrician, for his first nine months, and we would love to return him there to follow any treatment until he sees fit to move him. Dr. Frances was Baby R's Pediatric Cardiologist, with Valley Children's Medical Center, and again I would like to get Baby R back there for a follow up and a true comparison of his heart condition. The physical therapist Baby R had for his neck is another place I want to return to for follow up and for any future services he may need, (perhaps his hip).
I am working on a date for our next visit. My plan is to bring my family with me, I am trying to choose the best time to leave with their busy schedule. I would like to ask permission to begin phone calls to Baby R on a weekly basis. He did a great job when I had him call K.D.. He didn't speak a lot but he was listening and showed interest in the phone. If I had known earlier, I would have been calling him. My children and husband were able to speak to him that same day, each briefly, due to the amount of people on the other line. My middle daughter could be heard to Texas, she was so excited. She kept saying how CUTE he sounded, the funny things kids say. They really do love and miss him very much, he was and still is much more like a brother than a cousin.
Accidentally, I brought Baby R's dirty clothes home with me. It was just a shirt, pants, and a pair of socks (and pajamas that I had bought him), so I have washed them and am sending them back through your office. I apologize for the mistake, I think with all of the exchanging of Baby R, car seat, and the like; we forgot. I did give Baby R the cassette recorder with a tape that had me and Brynna reading some of the books I bought and gave to Baby R. Hopefully, his foster family would play that for him on a regular basis, it could help him with any visits and transition. There is also a blank tape I included for the foster family to do the same and of course, I would play it for Baby R during overnights, etc.
In summary I am asking for..........
Weekly phone calls with Baby R, at specified times if possible.
More overnights during my next visit.
The therapist's diagnosis for Baby R and treatment plan to aid in my search for a therapist here.
A session or two with the therapist, with Baby R of course.
For the foster family to play the cassette for Baby R as he looks at his books, on a regular basis.
For the foster family to record themselves reading a book, or whatever they feel comfortable with, for me to play for Baby R. (AND if they could get together a simple photo album of their family too for Baby R.) I would show that to Baby R during overnights, etc.
And that Baby R be shown the many photos that I have provided; the digital frame (photokins) and photo albums of our visits, on a regular basis.
Thanks DeDe, I realize this is a frustrating time for everyone, I just hope we can keep the lines of communication up;) I will be calling soon with a proposed date for a visit and will wait to hear from you on the phone calls to Baby R. I have the number but will not call to speak to Baby R without the foster family knowing beforehand. If we all have Baby R's best interests in mind, then we can all work to make this as easy as possible for him.
Sincerely,

Kimberly Fraser

cc: Tedee Boylan
R.C.

copy of email sent to Gary Blatnick, Director CPS in Del Norte

Kimber Fraser
P.O. Box 923
Clovis, CA 93613
kimmysbenz@hotmail.com

Re: Baby R.

Attached you will find several items concerning my nephew Baby R. He is my two-year-old nephew who has been in your County's custody since November 23, 2007. I am his maternal aunt and I have REPEATEDLY requested placement of him since December 10, 2007. I have had two relative placement approvals through your county and have an approved adoptive home study through State Adoptions.

After fighting for several months, I have finally been able to get the attention of the State Adoptions Supervisors, in Sacramento. I will be named as the prospective adoptive parent, along with my husband, at the .26 hearing. That hearing is tomorrow, Friday at 1 PM in your County Courthouse.

While this is very positive news and I am very elated to have come this far, it seems that I have allowed your County CPS Department to push me aside. I have been met with great criticism by your County CPS; for trying to get your County to place my nephew with a willing, able, and APPROVED relative. Your county has failed to follow state regulations and codes and has ignored my attempts to be recognized as a resource for both temporary and permanent placement of my nephew. I am aware that your County is going to try and advocate for the current foster parents' adoption of my nephew.

This is very unacceptable and am sure that you must be unaware of many things that have taken place. While my attention was focused on State Adoptions, your County has taken it upon themselves to ignore rules, regulations, and physical abuse. I personally have been witness to your CPS Supervisor Julie Cain perjuring herself in court on November 13, 2008 along with SW DeDe Ward at the very same hearing. As their Director, I am sure that you would want to know about these kinds of behaviors. Of course, there is written proof of this and I would love the opportunity to share it with you. Unfortunately, there are several other items that would definitely be of interest that your department has been party to.

The foster parents wish to adopt my nephew. I can understand their wanting to adopt a child. This child, Baby R, has a very large family who wants to bring him home. I am sure that you will find that I am very persistent and for a very good reason. I love my nephew as my own child and will not stop until he is home. Please feel free to contact any of the State Adoption Officials that are named in my complaint letter or on my adoptive home study.

I believe it is quite necessary for your presence in court tomorrow at 1 PM. I am sure you will find it very evident that I am in fact telling the truth. It is unfortunate that you did not return my call today, but I am sure that you must be busy. I look forward to speaking to you at your earliest convenience and I hope to see you in court. In fact, I would guess that each attorney involved in this case would be interested in exposing the corrupt behaviors of your department. It is very troublesome to witness such outlandish behaviors by your County CPS Dept.,especially when it is suppose to put the best interest of the child first, not personal agendas. I worry about all of the other children who have been harmed, as Baby R has been, by your department.

Respectfully,

Kimber Fraser

letter sent to CPS Supervisor 8-1-08

The following is a letter that I mailed and faxed to CPS on 8-1-08. SADLY, I NEVER had a written response or even a verbal one! I did speak to J. Cain on the phone BEFORE she received it and she said that "she would look into it" and get back to me. She never did get back to me on this issue. There have been more incidences of bite marks on Baby R. The dates will be on the time line. This was NOT the only time there was proof of physical abuse on Baby R. There was a police report filed at one time but I cannot post that here. Environmental Alternatives is the other agency involved in this case. It amazes me that an agency can ignore and NOT help a little boy remain safe in a foster home.
BTW we still have the photos, I am unsure if I may post them here or not. Just imagine the WORST bite you have EVER seen without the skin breaking! There were 4 of them and all in the same stages of bruising! AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kimber Fraser
P.O. Box 923
Clovis, CA 93613
(559) 360-0191
kimmysbenz@hotmail.com

July 31, 2008

Dept. of Health and Human Services
880 Northcrest Drive
Crescent City, CA 95531
(707) 464-3191

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is in regards to Baby R, the minor son of Melissa T. and R.S.. There is an urgent issue that warrants the immediate attention of your office and all agencies involved in the case.
During a recent visit with Baby R on Thursday July 24 of 2008; Melissa alerted myself and our sister Lisa Turner about some very severe injuries on Baby R's back and sides. I personally viewed the bruises after Melissa revealed the injuries by lifting up Baby R's shirt. I saw the imprint of complete bite marks that appeared to be from a youth's mouth, as they were small in diameter. There were several marks that looked quite painful, and there were at least four separate marks. Tiny teeth imprints that were red and purple in hue, were easily visible to the naked eye. Due to the amount of bites, it seemed a very intentional act that was violent in nature. Melissa told us that she reported it to the staff at Social Services and it was noted in the case file. An explanation was offered by the current foster parent K.D. to the staff. The bites were said to be from a little girl about Baby R's age. Melissa said she doubted that Baby R took part in any biting because she had never witnessed or heard of him biting before. I witnessed K.D., telling Melissa about the bite marks in the lobby the next morning just prior to another visit with Baby R. I find the marks on Baby R, very unacceptable. With five children myself I know that children argue and fight. With one or MAYBE two bites you can say that the fight was interrupted quickly and the children were kept from further injury. Due to the amount of bite marks found on Baby R I am worried that Baby R was held down and bit with such force and severity that he had no adult supervision for quite some time. I let Melissa know how very disturbed I was by Baby R's injuries Melissa and Lisa both stated that they felt the same. Melissa did however state that she did what she could by reporting the visible signs of abuse and showing myself and Lisa. My sister Lisa was able to take photos of the bite marks on her cell phone. A foster parent that cannot protect a child's safety, while in their care, should not continue care for that child.

I realize that the foster system may be overloaded and the social workers overworked, but the very reason for such a system is to protect all children from bodily harm. As Baby R's Aunt, a mother, and a medical professional I cannot sit back and not demand that something definitive be done to correct this dangerous situation. It is not OK to be injured so severely, even if by another child. I am deeply concerned about the supervision in the home and the possibility of further injury or worse. Even the pain and time it took for the current injuries to occur are proof of lack of competence. I would be very uncomfortable and derelict in duty, if I did not share my concern about these injuries.

Thank you in advance for your immediate attention to this urgent matter. I would greatly appreciate a reply to my letter at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,

Kimber Fraser
cc: J. Cain
M.S.

“It is a melancholy truth that even great men have their poor relations.” - Charles Dickens

I found this quote today and it reminded me of how we cannot choose our family. I have been blessed by my family in many ways.........and yet we all know that there are "some" members of our family that we WISH were not related. NO NAMES here but I do believe that we all have a black sheep in every family, OK maybe more than one.

IF anyone out there DOES NOT have one in THEIR family, please give me a call. I bet if anyone who DID believe that would be someone else's black sheep;) LOL

Being an imperfect Christian.....I choose to LOVE my family anyway. I did SAY Love NOT enable and in some cases taking them out of the equation is the best anecdote. Unfortunate, but to be a victim requires your permission.

The WORST suffering that has befallen me has come from one of OUR family's black sheep. As I can love her, I will not tolerate her behavior. I will also not become her. SHE is my cross to bare and in so trying to hurt us..........and weaken us........she has accidentally..........made us stronger.

My sister and Baby R's father were recently treated very poorly by the State Adoptions Supervisor in Arcata. I am VERY thankful that I do not live closer......as I may have shown up on their doorstep (Arcata's) and said some not so kind words;) Thankfully, I was able to support my sister emotionally on the phone as she sobbed the next morning.
She was able to sign the designated relinquishment (as was the father) on Tuesday of last week. Which they have been asking to do for MONTHS! BUT this came at a price. They were repeatedly, told WHILE signing that...........

"IF for some reason Baby R was unable to be placed with me, then they could meet and sign a NEW designated relinquishment over to the foster family." "The foster family is VERY upset that you are signing these papers today."

There is more to the conversation but you get the idea. Basically, what was said to my sister and Baby R's father was that, "The ink you are using on these papers is a waste. "We DO NOT intend, NOR have we EVER intended to place Baby R with your sister!"

I felt so sorry for my sister. She spent the evening after signing papers in bed she was so upset. I am angry that a State Adoption worker treated a HUMAN being so terribly. This was a very serious moment for both bio parents and one that they HAVE NEVER taken lightly. They are both in LOVE with their child but have a problem that involves drugs and the reality that they are not capable of properly caring for Baby R. DOES this mean that they are subhuman and have no feelings or rights? Of course not! EVEN a convicted murderer has rights and is treated with civility.
I encouraged my sister to put her complaint in writing.

I see faults in others that I CHOOSE NOT to repeat. I PRAY that I never treat someone as subhuman even if they have caused me harm.