Memories are a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years Today as SOON as my sister Lisa showed up.......my 3 girls ALL asked her when we would get to see Baby R. It was BOTH very sweet and sad at the same time. My heart breaks for so many reasons when his name comes up and then part of me enjoys talking about how wonderful he is.
I don't believe that ANYONE sees who they are looking at when they see that cute blond haired, blue eyed little boy. Sure he is unbelievably handsome now and his personality could make an icicle melt! He is smart, funny, and very loving!! I LOVE LOVE this little guy. My kids ALL remember this little man. My baby Bryn would rub Aunt Moony's (Melissa's) pregnant tummy and say Baby R's name. Even before he was born he was a HUGE part of our family.
Due to his heart anomaly, we were very scared he wouldn't live to be born, let alone come home from the hospital. This very scary fact did not stop us from loving him unconditionally from the very beginning. He has overcome some very large obstacles. He was born 4 pounds 11 ounces and gorgeous!
The moment he was born the Perinatologist allowed Melissa to give him a quick kiss and then she handed him off to the medical team to be taken to the nursery. We did NOT know how bad things were going to get. I was there the entire time..........I took a quick look at Melissa and the monitors and saw that she was stable and I followed that baby!
I watched them hook him up to monitors, IVs, and more. I prayed silently with tears welling in my eyes and a HUGE lump in my throat. He was absolutely one of the most gorgeous things I have ever laid my eyes upon. I spoke with every single nurse and the Neonatologist first. I took his first photo, video, and I got to see him open his ONE eye and peek at me!! I was HOOKED and I still am. Forever he is etched into my soul.
He is amazing and fought very hard and won the battle to survive. I have hundreds of photos of him. I spent countless hours holding him to check his vital signs, to be sure he was alive. I carried him when Melissa couldn't due to her healing arm and leg in the stores and at home. I can smell his tiny little head, remember the bumps I got on my chin from having his oily head there so often;), and I can feel his silky hair just above his soft spot on his head.
Out of everyone in the courtroom, ONLY myself, Lisa, Melissa, and Robert KNOW that stuff about him. He is simply AMAZING! I could go on and on about him, my children still do. They are quite frustrated with my answers of when we will see him and WHEN he will be coming home. As much as I want to protect them from being hurt.........I want to tell them the truth. This has become a very difficult balancing act and I am just as frustrated as they are.
They talk about how he spit up all of the time! AND they will even go as far as naming what he spit up on, like when Sierra said to Madison, "Remember when he spit up on YOUR horse....it smelled until Mom washed it." His name comes up daily. We carry his memories with us everywhere we go.
We all want more memories with HIM!!!!! He is STILL very much a part of OUR FAMILY!!!!!!!!! And he always will be!
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